"Denmark and Lithuania have also announced that they're pulling their troops from Iraq. Actually, it's just one guy who's half Danish and half Lithuanian. " --Conan O'Brien
"The '08 race heating up. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have both set up MySpace pages. ... Barack has twice as many MySpace friends as Hillary. In fact, Obama's MySpace page is almost as impressive as Bill Clinton's page on Match.com." --Conan O'Brien
"Britney Spears' hair is being sold on eBay. The price has skyrocketed to $1 million. But a collector who owns a lock of Abraham Lincoln's hair says that it's really only worth $5,000. So, everyone just calm down and listen to the clear-headed advice of the guy who owns Abraham Lincoln's hair." --Conan O'Brien
"Lots of people giving up things for Lent. Tony Blair is giving up the war in Iraq." --Jay Leno
"The British announced they are pulling their troops out of Iraq. Dick Cheney immediately called it good news. He said it is a sign we are winning." --Jay Leno
"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The president had another press conference this weekend. He was really banging the war drum about Iran. He said after 9/11, Katrina and Iraq, he wants to go out with just one more giant f**k up." --Bill Maher
"He said the Iranians are sending weapons into Iraq. He's sure it's reliable intelligence, 'cause this time he was in the room when they made it up." --Bill Maher
"The president is standing by his surge. He wants the surge, but he leaves hope for a pull-out. That, to me, says it all about President Charles-in-Charge. He's always backwards. ... Anyone who's ever seen a porn movie knows you pull-out and then you surge." --Bill Maher
"Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole's baby." --Jay Leno
"It's hard to believe the No. 1 story, bigger than Iraq, Iran, the social life of Britney Spears, is still Anna Nicole Smith. CNN has officially changed their name this week to CN-Anna." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Move over crazy astronaut in diapers. The media unleashed a full scale coverage orgy, with CNN at one point going 90 minutes without a commercial. Making the death of Anna Nicole Smith a more significant news event than a State of the Union address and slightly less than 9/11." --Jon Stewart, on media coverage of Ann Nicole Smith's death
"What did Scooter Libby say when he bumped into President Bush at the White House? ... Pardon me." --Jay Leno
"The '08 race heating up. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have both set up MySpace pages. ... Barack has twice as many MySpace friends as Hillary. In fact, Obama's MySpace page is almost as impressive as Bill Clinton's page on Match.com." --Conan O'Brien
"Britney Spears' hair is being sold on eBay. The price has skyrocketed to $1 million. But a collector who owns a lock of Abraham Lincoln's hair says that it's really only worth $5,000. So, everyone just calm down and listen to the clear-headed advice of the guy who owns Abraham Lincoln's hair." --Conan O'Brien
"Lots of people giving up things for Lent. Tony Blair is giving up the war in Iraq." --Jay Leno
"The British announced they are pulling their troops out of Iraq. Dick Cheney immediately called it good news. He said it is a sign we are winning." --Jay Leno
"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The president had another press conference this weekend. He was really banging the war drum about Iran. He said after 9/11, Katrina and Iraq, he wants to go out with just one more giant f**k up." --Bill Maher
"He said the Iranians are sending weapons into Iraq. He's sure it's reliable intelligence, 'cause this time he was in the room when they made it up." --Bill Maher
"The president is standing by his surge. He wants the surge, but he leaves hope for a pull-out. That, to me, says it all about President Charles-in-Charge. He's always backwards. ... Anyone who's ever seen a porn movie knows you pull-out and then you surge." --Bill Maher
"Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole's baby." --Jay Leno
"It's hard to believe the No. 1 story, bigger than Iraq, Iran, the social life of Britney Spears, is still Anna Nicole Smith. CNN has officially changed their name this week to CN-Anna." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Move over crazy astronaut in diapers. The media unleashed a full scale coverage orgy, with CNN at one point going 90 minutes without a commercial. Making the death of Anna Nicole Smith a more significant news event than a State of the Union address and slightly less than 9/11." --Jon Stewart, on media coverage of Ann Nicole Smith's death
"What did Scooter Libby say when he bumped into President Bush at the White House? ... Pardon me." --Jay Leno
5 comments:
Laugh or cry, laugh or cry, age old dilemma...
2 more years in office.
GAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Thanks for the collection.
somehow the comedians always have the pulse of the mood of the country :) what fred said.
The Coalition of the Haulin' Ass, yes?
Won't somebody pardon US from having to bear two more years of this asshat?
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