VP means to kill every man, woman & child on this earth

As slavering psycho Dick Cheney can only look on in awe, jealousy and horror, Joe Biden is leaving a bloody trail of bodies wherever he goes.

Profiles in … you know, fuck it.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!?

Discriminating reader and overly-moist douchetube John ‘cumstain’ Ziegler says Sarah Palin’s book is “by far the best” book evar, angering fans of Walter the Farting Dog, Millie’s Book, and Everybody Poops. Actual quote:

“For many reasons, this is by far the best book and greatest literary achievement by a political figure in my lifetime.”

Jeebus. Holy CRAP, what a smeg-head. Really. Let’s get some reviews from amazon.com:

From out of all the misstatements, narcissism, spin and distortions that make this biography so embarrassing to read, one indisputable fact emerges: It's pretty clear ex-governor Palin would still be a low-profile politician in the frozen north, but for candidate McCain and his staff. Those would be the same folks she attacks so fiercely in this biography.

This "memoir," co-written with Lynn Vincent, is one of the most disturbing books I've ever read. "Going Rogue" appears to be addressing a checklist of grievances that Palin has been nursing just about all her life. Palin's emotional and intellectual development seems to have stalled out somewhere around tenth grade.

I have to say that this book really scares me. If 40-odd percent of Americans believe that she is right to be number two in office the world has big problems.

As a serious read about politics in America, this book best serves as toilet paper or kindling. As a hysterically funny look at the rantings of a pathological narcissist and why the Lunatic Wing of the far right must never, ever be allowed to hold power or even reproduce, it's the best political satire since Al Franken or Molly Ivens.

The sheer level of disrespect Going Rogue has for its readership is astounding. It, like the author, assumes that Americans are idiots, too dumb to see through the lies and spin.

So what if Sarah Palin didn't write this book? Even God used earthly scribes to write the Bible.

… hurrrr derp derp derp …

Bonus: the book is full of so many fabrications and delusions that Andrew Sullivan's blog has gone silent in order to sort through the mess.

PSM

Hello fellow Undies, I'll be taking a week off to recupe some brain cells. See you soon!

Love from
Maru

Rogue pitbull a whiny-ass pouter

“It’s all THEIR fault! They were mean to me!” whines complaining whiny dumbass.

The "You betcha" lady is no more. In her memoir Sarah Palin introduces a new voice, and it’s that of a chronic complainer. So much so you want to shout at the pages, "Man up, woman!"

The news from the book has already spilled, and it is essentially this: John McCain’s senior aides were mean to her. Katie Couric was mean to her. Her critics, who are by definition supposed to be mean, were mean to her. But rather than come back swinging, she comes back whining.

Bonus quote from the article: “Possibly even more audacious than her belief she was qualified to be the person a heartbeat away from the presidency is her conviction that she was a superior comedy writer to those on Saturday Night Live.”

Double-bonus quote: “Obviously headquarters was so distraught at how badly the [debate] prep was going that they were looking for something, anything, to make her brain work.”

About all that Bedwetting......

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Well, if anyone would know about raping a young girl...

Comparing healthcare reform to Nazi death camps isn’t tasteless enough for you? Then you’ll enjoy Glenn Beck equating it to child rape.



What… a… sick… FUCK. Good GOD.

Palin unpopular with cranium-Americans

Majority of voters consider the whiny-ass quitter an unprincipled jerk and not fit for office, hate America.

Over half in a new ABC News/WaComPo poll have an unfavorable opinion of Mooselini overall, as many say they wouldn’t consider supporting her for president and more – six in 10 – not only see her as unqualified for the job, but unqualified to give a blowjob.

“I don’t think she’d be able to stop yakking, for one thing,” said a respondent.

Fifty-three percent say they definitely would not vote for Palin if she were to run for president in 2012 or Miz Redneck at the 2010 Cornpone Harvest and Sheep Buggering Festival in Nascarr, Idaho.

Intensity is against her as well: considerably more see her “strongly” unfavorably, 34 percent, than strongly favorably, 20 percent.

Obviously not including the ‘McCain campaign backstabbers that sabotaged her’ (poster at freeretardic today), seventy-six percent of republicans view her favorably. Preferably poolside, in a stars-and-stripes bikini.

Call the Wahhhhhmbulance!!!!!

Poor Sarah Mooselini is being picked on again

"The choice of photo for the cover of this week's Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this 'news' magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The Runner's World magazine one-page profile for which this photo was taken was all about health and fitness -- a subject to which I am devoted and which is critically important to this nation. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist and oh-so-expected by now. If anyone can learn anything from it: it shows why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, gender, or color of skin. The media will do anything to draw attention - even if out of context."

It is rather ironic to hear her whine considering the outlandish attacks she herself has made. She used her looks to advance herself and garner votes from day one. Why the hell is she complaining now?
Earth to space caribou: What do you think is worse, sexism or accusing a US senator of essentially being a terrorist?

Why does Caribou Barbie hate our troops?

The Pitbull Barracuda complains about the ‘gotcha media’ again.

Sarah Palin (R-WATB) went after the AssPress on Sunday, accusing them of engaging in "opposition research" and “tearing up” when fact-checking her forthcoming book, “American Quitter’.

Palin goes adrift, at times, on more contemporary issues, too. She criticizes President Barack Obama for pushing through a bailout package that actually was achieved by his Republican predecessor George W. Bush – a package she seemed to support at the time.

Fun factcheck: she’s done a metric bitchload of whining and complaining, but she hasn’t refuted any of the points they’ve made.

Not shown: poster of Christopher Columbus goosestepping at Buchenwald

A teabagging anti-immigration rally at the Minnesota State Capitol gets humorously surreal...

The highlight of the event is the speech by "Robert Erickson," a "concerned citizen from Minneapolis." Erickson launches into what seems like a standard red-meat anti-immigrant speech. His real intentions are betrayed only by a slight smirk. It is only when he accuses immigrants of spreading disease and then indicts them for "killing millions" with smallpox that it becomes clear that the immigrants he has in mind are the European conquerors of North America and their descendants.

Repuke family values

Grotesque playboy Newt Gingrich -- who left his first wife while she was in hospital suffering with cancer, cheated on his second wife, and is now on his 3rd wife -- does a video in support of 'traditional marriage.'

Newt dumped cancer-stricken 1st wife. When his pastor criticized him for not supporting his two kids, he left the church. Newt dumped 2nd wife after cheating on her with the Congressional aide who is now his 3rd wife. The scandal sidelined Newt in 2008. Until now.

Bonus: the group responsible for the video originally wanted serial adulterer and drag queen Rudy Giuliani.

SC GOP censures Lindsey Graham for consorting with Democrats, altar boys

The simpering pantywaist was put on notice by his own state and party for taking the term “teabagging” the icky, not-sanctioned-by-Jeebus way.

Graham has angered conservative activists for his criticism of “tea party” protesters and others who have sought to impose a strict ideological litmus test on Republican lawmakers. The local chair said, “The feeling is if you’re not going to uphold the platform, then why bother to run as a Republican?”

Graham's office snippily pointed to the senator being "ranked the 15th most conservative senator in 2008 by National Journal." So THERE.

And so much for bipartisanship and building a bigger tent.

That HAD to hurt

Caught outright committing fraud, Faux Nooze’s reptilian cheesedick Sean Hannity responded to Jon Stewart by admitting "unintentionally" false video footage was used to bolster the nutwork’s lies.

Hannity: "Jon Stewart was right. Big thanks to Jon and his writers for watching the show."

Jon Stewart: "Well, we have to keep an eye on our fake news competition. It's just good business."

That’s right: a major “news” organization was busted and held to account by a fucking comedy channel. If THAT doesn’t tell you the sorry state of the “liberal MSM” I don’t know what will.

Lou Dobbs resigns from CNN

A weary nation cheers.

Blaming illegal aliens for taking his job, frothing bigot Lou Dobbs announced his resignation late Wednesday and finally quit, effective immediately.

The long-time jizzwad, running off as if the federales were after him, did not disclose specific plans for departing to another network.

He will spend the time waiting for an offer from Fox Noise by glowering at his Mexican gardener from behind the curtains of his darkened study. Glowering.

Craggy Dick Cheney apologist John King will be taking over Dobbs’ spot.

Bonus: nutcake birther Dobbs is now decrying “partisanship and ideology”. That’s rich.

Cry Me a River......

.......and somebody call a fucking Wahhhhmbulance, already

American International Group Inc. Chief Executive Officer Robert Benmosche told the insurer’s board of directors that he may quit because of government limits on what the company can pay employees, according to a person familiar with the matter. Benmosche’s salary is $3 million in cash, $4 million in shares, and as much as $3.5 million of long-term incentive awards.

Don't let the door hit you in your sagging, pock-marked ass on the way out, fucktard. Poor bastard, how WILL he pay his bills?

And let God sort ‘em out

In yet another class move, Bill O'Reilly agreed with President Obama that we have to win the hearts and minds of Muslims -- because there’s no way we can kill them all.

[The falafel-abusing douchewad] declared last night that the United States "can't kill all the Muslims" -- so will have to settle simply for winning hearts and minds.

The Crusades, Part Deaux

Just like deja vu, all over again ...

A Marine reservist armed with a tire iron beat and chased a man he thought was an Arab terrorist and even called 911 to say he was detaining the man, police said.

But the man he assaulted was actually a Greek Orthodox priest visiting from overseas who spoke limited English, police said.

Instead of offering help, Bruce struck the priest on the head with a tire iron, police said.

Fanfuckingtastic. Now Obama's brownshirted Gestapo will come to take away our tire irons. Will the tyranny never cease?

Repugnant old shithead, leery of more advertiser boycotts, backtracks on latest ‘racist’ remark

Rupert Murdoch flipflops on his previous assertion that that terrists-fist-bumping socialist commie Hitler-loving Obama hates whitey.

Rupert Murdoch has been forced to deny he believes Barack Obama is a racist, after appearing to back backing knuckledragging loon Glenn Beck's comments about the US president.

The chairman and chief executive of News Corporation the Repuke Propaganda Nutwork said in an interview this week that Obama had made "a very racist comment" and that Beck's views were "right".

"He does not at all, for a minute, think the president is a racist," a spokesman now says, crossing his fingers.

Building a bigger tent

As wingnut conservaturds gain power in the GOP they're alienating women. Not to mention blacks. And Hispanics. And young people, poor people, and hell, you know what -- they're alienating everybody but rich old white guys and total dipshits.

Last week, Rep. Pete Sessions (R-eprehensible) suggested that women who complained that their gender was designated a “pre-existing condition” by some insurers were on a par with smokers because both groups incur higher treatment costs.

“Damn feminazis should be raising kids instead of opening their whore mouths when men are talking,” said Sessions, who runs the National Republican Congressional Committee — which is tasked with recruiting new female candidates.

Well, sort of.

Cut and Paste

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Wednesday Funnies

A Rushthuglibot Congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane
when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've
heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said
to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global
warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.

OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss
global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?

What up

News quiz: "White Republicans are scared of me" -- was this said by

a) Barack Obama
b) Jesse Jackson or
c) Michael Steele, chairman of the GOP?

“Fuck this shit. And by ‘shit’ I mean Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin”

NY republican Dede Scozzafava, dissed by her own party, has had it up to HERE with those assclowns, vows revenge:

Scozzafava attacked Palin, R-Quitter, for endorsing the Conservaturd Party candidate, Doug Hoffman, even though Hoffman doesn't even live in New York's 23rd congressional district: "Do these people even know who they are endorsing? WTF?"

She also had this message for rethugs who are vowing to bring down moderates: "There are a lot of us who consider ourselves republicans, of the Party of Lincoln," she said. "If they don't want us with them, we're going to work against them."

An increasingly unstable Limbaugh blames Prez Obama for Ft. Hood shootings

The corpulent junkie: "We could almost say this is Obama's fault, because this guy said that he believed Obama was going to get us out of Iraq and Afghanistan."

Hmmmmm. We could also almost say this is Alexander the Great's fault, because he did such a crappy job of conquering Iraq and Afghanistan.

Or we could almost say this is GW Bush's fault, because Bush got us into Iraq and Afghanistan.

We could almost say this is the shooter's fault, because this guy is a total freaking nutjob.

We could almost say this is Rush Limbaugh’s fault, because he promulgates hatred toward Obama, Muslims.

We could almost say this is the psychic down the road's fault, because she never saw this coming.

We could almost say this is my magic rock's fault, because it did nothing to stop this.

According to Rush, it is Obama’s fault that a mentally unstable man shot 43 people last week. It is pretty safe to say that his upcoming deployment was not the only reason why this man decided to go on a shooting. However, Limbaugh’s Obama paranoia knows no boundaries. It is only a matter of time before Limbaugh starts blaming Obama for the weather.

No, he’s got Al Gore for that.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

October, 2009: Republicans slam President Obama for making trip to Europe.

November, 2009: Republicans slam President Obama for not making trip to Europe.

Damn republiturds.

Joe Lieberman announces committee to investigate why the military refuses to go completely hysterical about Muslims

Insufferable quisling tries to turn depressed psycho with gun into Prez Obama’s 9/11.

Though it’s WAY TOO EARLY TO TELL, Lie-berman said that if reports from Fox Noise were true that Hasan had turned to Islamic extremism, "the murder of these 13 people was a terrorist act and, in fact, it was the most-destructive terrorist act to be committed on American soil since 9/11."

The Army's top officer, Gen. George Casey, wouldn't rule out that the shooting was an act of terrorism, but cautioned against speculation at this point. He expressed concern that it could result in a backlash against Muslim soldiers.

Casey also said the Army has made great strides in helping soldiers with mental health issues, and invited the Senator to make use of their program.

‘Saturday Night Live" mocks Fox Nooze's election coverage, Glenn Beck

Hysterical:


Oligarhy!

Just. Fucking. Speechless.

When Buchenwald survivor Elie Wiesel criticized a teabagger’s sign showing dead bodies from Dachau as ‘indecent and disgusting,’ compassionate conservatards condemned said sign and apologized if it offended anyone.

Just kidding: they attacked Mr Wiesel as an Obama-appeasing, freedom-hating communist woman, who should clam up and accept the fact that [s]he’s in a ‘Chritian’ country. A sample:

This hollowcost thing is totally overblown by the jewish.

Elie Wiesel: Newest, most current tool of the sick, perverted, racist, anti-semetic Democrap party. Have you no shame Democraps?

You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding. Good GOD.